1. Is this novel:

a). an artful and emotive investigation into why the characters do what they do; or

b). a train wreck.


2. Is this novel:

a). exciting and fun!

b). ohmigod makeitstop, makeitstop…

c). Fun in [X part] but then in [X part] my brain tried to force it’s way through my eyeballs.


3. Is there:

a). Too much drugs and too much swearing.

b). Nowhere near enough drugs and swearing.


4. If you were to describe this book in a simple phrase, would it be:

a). Harry Potter on acid?

b). Three Men & a Baby without the men, and with more drugs?

c). Neverwhere as written by the bastard lovechild of William Burroughs and Charles Bukowski?

d). Harry Potter vs. Three Men & a Baby vs. Neverwhere vs. Trainspotting in a foam party?

d). Poor.


Writers aren’t vain, we’re just externalised masochists.



Enthusiasm first